I once owned a mini vacuum that would delicately remove a pest with subtle suction and allow it to be set free outside. My girls insisted on it…they wouldn’t hurt a fly. Me on the other hand, when the kids are not looking, my flip flop is enemy number one for any creepy critter that crosses me. Now, we're being called on to become full-on lanternfly assassins...

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The spotted lanternfly may be pretty, but they are bad news. We’re instructed to off em’ and here’s why:

They hang with a bad crowd. Lantern flies actually lure in some really dangerous friends for one crazy reason.  They attract other pests because their sh*t  doesn’t stink. Literally, their droppings are actually sweet because they are high in sugar.  That brings in wasps, hornets, and yellow jackets and what is not consumed creates black mold. Everything I just said there is so gross... you have to give me a minute....


OK I'm back.

Another thing, lanternflies abuse our trees by sucking them dry of their sap. It can damage and over time kill them.  As if that is not enough...

They could be bad for our dogs. I’ve always said, if my dog doesn’t like someone I don’t trust em’.  Dogs who have eaten lanternflies have gotten sick with an upset stomach and loss of appetite.  Fozzie is not happy about that.

Justin Sullivan, Getty Images

Want to hate them even more before you commit to killing them? Lanternflies eat our fruit and could cause permanent damage to our crops.  They have a weakness for apple and peach trees...they infest our orchards.  The biggest offense?  They too love grapes and their vines, possibly getting in the way of our wine production. No one and I mean no one messes with my vino!

So stomp them like it’s your job because this Jersey infestation is out of control. If I can put my wine glass down long enough to hit them with my shoe you can too!

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