Could You Win A Gold In The NJ Winter Olympics?
Every four years I remember how much I enjoy watching curling and ski-jumping and biathlon and other sports that I ignore in the interim.
One of the knocks against the Winter Olympics is that the sports are much more elitist than the Summer Games. The Summer Olympics are games that pretty much anyone can just get a start in - if you wanna run, just start running. If you wanna play soccer, just head to a field. The Winter Olympics are much more specialized - it's hard to just start bobsledding or start curling.
Since I couldn't find a local luge course or someone to train me in curling, I decided to create the NJ Winter Olympic Decathlon! Ten local events to compete in for the prestige and glory of being a medal winner.
Ice Walking – Whoever can walk the furthest along an icy sidewalk without falling wins.
Windshield Scraping – Using a standard size windshield, the medal goes to whoever can clear it fastest; no help from the defroster!
Car Clearing – Fastest time to clear all the snow off your car (because we all know we can be ticketed for having snow on our car).
Snow Shoveling – The driveway is uniform, but the shovels aren't! The drama is heightened as competitors have to choose from metal or plastic scoops, straight or angled sticks - what strategy will win?
Snow Driving – Look, after dealing with people driving 15mph when a single snowflake falls, I deserve a medal.
The LBI Almost-Marathon – This will separate the wheat from the chaff. With 18 miles of shoreline, LBI doesn't quite provide the distance for a true marathon, but running in 40 degree weather balances out the difficulty.
Polar Bear Plunge – There are plenty of plunges along the Jersey Shore this time of year, but this is an endurance contest. Everyone jumps in at the same time, and whoever lasts longest wins!
Snowball Archery – Who’s the most accurate with a snowball? Competitors throw at a target, moving further back with each round.
Snowball Fight – A team game; round up your friends and battle to the last man standing.
Snowy Owl Hunting – JK! We’d never hurt these beautiful birds. Maybe a photography contest instead.
No matter what the results of these competitions would be, I would 100% watch it if Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir were the commentators.
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