There have been plenty of collections of the random creepy things that little kids do or say. Talking to imaginary friends, repeating a random phrase they heard somewhere that just sounds bizarre coming from a kid's mouth, stuff like that. So far, Baby Varacchi has been pretty non-creepy, but yesterday I got weirded out.

We had run out to do some errands, and we were sending Snapchats (yeah, it's embarrassing to type that out) to my wife. After I sent one, there was an ad for something about the new Joker movie with Joaquin Phoenix. Baby Varacchi said "it's a clown!" and I said "yeah it is" but intended to move on quickly so she didn't get scared. I got the opposite reaction though, and she said "he's cute!" (that's been a thing lately, saying lots of things that aren't cute are "cute"). Then she said "the clown is gone!" and I said "yeah?" and she said "he's missing!" and I said "well where do we find him?"

Now this is where it got weird.

After I asked where to find the missing clown, my adorable, precious, angelic, not-quite-three-year-old daughter said "in my closet".

"There's a clown in your closet?" "Yeah!" "I'm pretty sure there isn't." "YES THERE IS."

Now, I'm not typically the guy who is creeped out by clowns. Sure, the intentionally scary ones with bloody mouths or dead eyes or whatever are unsettling, but a normal clown is just fine. However, when my baby is talking about a clown in her closet, when she doesn't have any clown dolls or toys, is just eerie as hell.

I thought things were over until it was bedtime.

We have a routine of laying down and talking about our day, what we did, where we went, what our favorite part of the day was. As she was talking, she said "we had lunch, we went shopping, THE CLOWN IS GONE."


I swear this is just a coincidence, but this movie comes out TODAY:

No more clowns in the Varacchi household. Ever.

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