New Jersey: Squarest State in the Land?
Earlier this week, marijuana was officially made legal for funsies in New Jersey. This came as a great surprise to me, as I thought elections were magic and therefore there should be no issue if I were to spark one at the billiard hall or the YMCA or something. This is, as you know, not true. Just as it is not true that everyone in New Jersey gets to enjoy this miraculous cure to all ailments/devilish plant destined to rot the brain of its users. 70 different local ordinances have banned recreational sales, growth, and usage. Ironically, they're also the 70 nerdiest areas of the Garden State, according to a study conducted by me right now. You may think that they're all North and South Jersey places, because never in a million years would the cultural pressure point of the American Northeast, CENTRAL Jersey, participate in this sort of certified square behavior. Friends...I have bad news.
Ho-Ho-Kus (I know it's not Monmouth or Ocean County but it's such a funny name)
Point Pleasant Beach
Surf City (Undermining the coolness of its name)
West Long Branch
All of the places I just listed have some level of restriction placed on the sale, cultivation, and use of marijuana recreationally. Or at least they did, I can't be bothered do to more research, I've found myself *very* tired since the day after Election Day. Perhaps you think this is a good thing, and that further prohibition of cannabis is the only way to ensure the safety of the Republic moving forward. And you're entitled to that very bad opinion. Perhaps you think that marijuana is a cure-all to all of society's ills and that everyone should do it. And you're entitled to that equally bad opinion and also, good luck in your senior year of high school. But if you're in one of these *laaaaaame* towns and find yourself on the fence, do some research. Talk to people. In fact, I'll volunteer myself for the job. Just make sure you call after like 530/6. That's when I'm *really* chatty.