Alicia Cook on using poetry to address mental health and grief

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welcome back to short time with vin and Dave Vin abenue Dave Crossing with you and we're welcoming back another special guest here to the program to the show here on Sunday morning on 943 the point that is Alicia cook from Tom's River out there in new Yark now and really just all over New Jersey sharing her great work and great personality as well lots to dive into this morning as always but Alicia thanks for coming back on the show hi I'm so happy to be back there we go so going for from the shore all over and um putting together great published works as well and certainly um a coffee an niced coffee Enthusiast as well I know you've posted that from time to time what is the funniest uh pronunciation or funniest name that's been written on one of your cups over the years getting coffee um yeah I don't uh my mother's always like I don't understand why no one could spell or pronounce your name but here we are um I think I mean misspellings are just funny in general but I think it's funny when I get a completely different name like Alysa or Allison or Felicia um but yeah there there was there there's been a bunch and I I love that uh people online find it just as amusing as I do I think there was an episode of NCIS Los Angeles recently where they were kind of doing something similar just like some coffee shop somewhere they were writing the name like somebody was calling out the names like I don't know like Sam this like nope not here oh wait that's not why that said yeah yeah it's it's um I think that it's a br I'm convinced it's a brilliant marketing Ploy that the coffee companies do because it creates conversation and you you upload a photo of their cup and it's like they're getting free marketing that's good convin that's yeah I'm convinced that that's why they do that but uh good on them because it's working well one of these days Al I hope they uh you know get the the name and uh in writing and pronunciation down for you I mean it keeps it keeps me humble and that's very important there we go I entertaining too um so I know we've certainly over the years discussed um a lot your published works and everything book-wise then all the poems you've put out um and certainly some of the recent ones that you've posted out on Instagram and and Twitter as well including um within the last week uh about you know how life tripping you up and then challenging you to to keep back up um some that you that was from the sorry I haven't texted you back um what what uh was your I guess your thought process your inspiration for some of the recent poems that you've been posting um well I I feel like there's always been a Common Thread in my writing going all the way back to my first poetry book um stuff I've been feeling lately I just don't think I knew I was writing about mental health and grief um back then I didn't know what I I didn't I was writing about it but I didn't know I was writing about it so um now I'm just very aware of what I'm writing about and um I think that the inspiration is I just want to be transparent with people and I want people to feel like they're not alone in those confusing weird um emotions or feelings they have that they might not have um you know worked out yet for themselves so um that poem in particular um I decided to post it on the internet even though it's already in one of my books because I was feeling like that lately like I was just falling behind in my in my mind and and um I was like well I can't be the only one that feels like this I put it out and you know as you saw there was a a pretty big reception to it and um in a positive feeling scen kind of way yeah and I think that that you know seeing those comments from the readers saying like this is me you're in my head I feel like you're St you know are you stalking me things like that um it just I just want to create that community and that feeling of like you can feel not great and that's okay like you don't always have to be your best self um and allow yourself to feel those feelings and that's yeah that's really where I've been focusing my my writing lately um and a big part of that is because um obviously in 2020 when the pandemic began um people were at a loss and um very very depressed and a lot of you know anxious feelings and um so I feel like a lot of readers came my way around that time and do you find that the you know in getting feedback or anybody commenting on your your post you know can have that relation that relatability I guess to to some of what you're writing where like you know what I I feel that way but I don't know how to express it or I can't figure out a way to take the time out for myself yeah I think that's a lot of what I hear people say like thank you for putting into words what I couldn't um and then for me I feel good because I'm like okay I'm not the only one that's feeling this it's it's a very like symbiotic relationship with my readers where I really um I need them just as much as they need to read my work um and I just love the community I've been able to um cultivate online um because everyone should have a place where they could basically say like I feel like crap today um and that's okay like tomorrow's a new day have you found that it it's helped you a lot over the years by posting poems or just even posting anything any short comments or whatever on um Instagram or Twitter that that getting something off your chest is felt has made you feel better um and inspired others to share the same with whatever small or large thing is going on in their life maybe it's a loss maybe it's stress or anxiety from work or home life but that they have the comfort and the platform to be able to to share that I mean how has that helped you over the years as well just with you know Finding that platform and that Comfort to be able to share what's going on and you know try and feel better yourself oh I mean it's been so cathartic for me the whole reason I even started writing about uh drug addiction in particular was because I felt like I was on this like Island um of grief and confusion and I didn't you know it's just going back to age myself it's going back many years you know maybe even a little bit before social media um so I felt so alone for so many years even around friends even around my family like I felt very isolated um because I could not find a person that was going through something similar which at the time obviously was um having drug addiction in my family and ultimately losing my cousin um so the fact that like these platforms exist now um and they could be used for good and they could be used to build community um it's so cathartic for me over the years and it's also been inspirational to me where I find inspiration through people sharing their stories with me as well um and like I said it's just like this great give and take back and forth relationship I have with readers now and um it's so important to talk about every aspect of our of your life and we're moving back I've noticed almost backwards toward only posting beautifully filtered curated high like a literal highlight real of our life um and when people for a while we moved away for that from that now I feel like I'm seeing it more again and it's it's disheartening because when you're going through something terrible or and you're you're in a poor mental state you believe what you see online and you believe you're the only one not living their best life not where they want to be in life so if I could be a mirror for people like that's what I'm here for that's that's a great point you know whether it's you know putting those filters into photos instead of letting the real ones sit out there you know with whatever it is you look like uh that day and sometimes listen you you post a picture of you after a work out of the gym your hair is a mess so what or or something else you know just it is what it is it's you know I guess life moving art in a sense as well you just kind of re I think that has gone away to some degree as well with just the realness of a picture or a video and people getting too caught up in you know what they look like or what they sound like instead of just posting it as is yep yep and um you know I wouldn't want to be a teenager in school right now I I I wouldn't I don't know how I would have been able to navigate living my life through you know being a young woman uh and then also social media existing so I'm I'm I uh I just want to give a shout out to all the girls out there that are and all the young people in general out there that are just um navigating their their lives that are essentially just beginning um but also existing on online and it's it's a lot and it's uh it definitely has its own problems and leads to some pretty sad outcomes but there is good out there as well and if you could find your community that's wonderful what what are your thoughts and anything that you've post you that you could take us back on and what you've posted over the years or just have heard just with bullying cyber bullying you know you your point there just about you know young girls and and trying to you know live in today's society with with some of the social media pressures and everything else just with any cyber bullying or any bullying that of things that get posted on any social media platform that ends up resurfacing in person um at schools or anything what what is your take on and on everything that's that's been happening lately and maybe your advice to um to to young girls or or any uh teenager out there struggling right now because of things that get posted that are not true I just wish I'm gonna start by saying I just wish that um young people realize that everything is temporary you know school is temporary embarrassment is temporary um these clicks are temporary but I also understand that when you're you are young and this is your life day in and day out it doesn't feel temporary it feels like it's going to be like this forever um but like when I was in school if I had a run with a bully I was bullied in school I was able to come come home and have like a safe space now you know there was a disconnection now the the bullies follow you they they're in your pocket they're on your phone they're on your Apple watch um they they could be relentless 247 now and um I could understand how that that intrusive voice could get into people's heads thinking like my light this is my my life's a living hell and it's never going to get better um so I do wish that they realized it was temporary I have been keeping up on the tragedy that happened at Central Regional um the the the loss of that young life and how you know looking back it was just they that that young person was failed by so many people um there there's a failure there and it's heartbreaking but like I said I all the advice you could give in the world I would say it's temporary life could be so great High School especially is only four years of your life but it could it could feel like it's going to be like that forever um and I I would hate to give advice because I don't know how I would be in this day and age if I was that young um but it it's scary it's scary and um it's almost uncontrollable you know that even parents a lot of parents don't even know what's going on until something terrible happens yeah and it's sad tragic um not just with what just happened to Adriana Cush Central Regional High School but people standing by and laughing and or even posting this stuff are uh for those who are who are bullying uh whether it's physical mental emotional you know whatever it is and whatever the outcome is I mean it's it's uh damaging in multiple fronts to a lot of different people so you just kind of hope and pray that um people who had been bullying just stop you know right now yeah yeah I mean like bullies could grow out of being bullies and they could be reflective maybe and and feel bad for what they did but a lot of bullies grow up to be terrible adults as well so I I do believe that I do believe that hurt people hurt people so there's always a reason um but we need to protect the kids you know that we need to protect the kids and I I don't think we're doing a good job at that and I say we we as like you know the collective um older people I don't think we're doing a great job at protecting the kids yeah no I think more should be done across the scale um to to instill just at the elementary middle school high school levels you know while to help teach the youth that you know in any form of bullying uh physical mental emotional uh posting stuff saying stuff you know what whatever it is is is not okay um and to try and instill those lessons in them while you're they're young to hopefully uh prevent those kinds of behavior from happening when these young men and women become adults whether it's going out and committing crimes or bullying people as an adult so hopefully things could get done across the board to help stop bullying in schools yeah yeah and I think the biggest thing a school um School leadership could do is stop with the narrative of like this is H this happened on the internet not in school and and they have this boundary and it's like were we not online were these kids not online learning for two years um you you can't just say you can't just say no it's on the internet so it's not my problem everything is interconnected now it is your problem these are your students yeah no no totally agree you know just because it doesn't physically happen within the confines of a classroom or a hallway doesn't mean it's still not students bullying other students um in in any shape or form absolutely absolutely so I think that's they have to take a long hard in the mirror of the school administration and and realize that their their responsibility extends past the classroom now and and sometimes you find that some of the people who you know without stats in front of me just kind of hypothetically here that bullying could lead to other things um maybe it's forcing them into a depression maybe it's forcing them uh to uh to abuse alcohol or drugs or to do something else um that they may not have otherwise considered with you know if they didn't feel like their life meant something because of the amount of people picking on them oh that's I I believe that I agree with that absolutely um we have to analyze you know a big part of the drug epidemic is analyzing why people turn to substances in the first place and that's definitely one of them that that desperation that that feeling of um emotional abuse physical abuse um they'll do they'll turn to things to maybe um numb their their reality Alicia want to talk more uh about your your recent works and more about some topics that I think could be relatable to a lot of people as well can you stay around sure I have time there we go there we go lots of time here on Sunday morning we've got uh more short time with vin and Dave and Alicia cook right after this on 943 The Point hi this is chrisy Pierce rampone former US Women's soccer team captain Olympic gold medalist World Cup champion and Point barl High School alum and your list listening to short time with vin and Dave on 943 The Point tune in for some real conversation with Dave and Vin you don't want to miss this whether you're in the early stages of investing getting ready to retire or planning your estate you need a financial planner who will guide you on a clear path with honesty and transparency Shoreline wealth management understands that you are more than your money and they strive to help you realize your best life as they align your finances with your goals best of all Shoreline straightforward approach will include include you in the process Shoreline wealth management is your financial anger visit Shoreline wealth.com for more information Shoreline wealth.com Securities offered through LPL Financial member finra sipc hey this is UFC Championship fighter and Tom Zer High School East alumni Frankie Edgar and you're listening to short time with vin and Dave a 943 The Point Dave and Vin these guys are a buzz welcome back to short time with vin and Dave vinue Dave Crossing with you with us here this hour is Alicia cook Tom's native doing great things across the state of New Jersey out there in new Yark and Beyond from uh trying to figure find a coffee shop that puts her name just right on the cup uh to certainly inspiring others and sharing lots of great stories we've been talking about um some of her recent published works and certainly the effects of cyber bullying and school bullying and so much more and a lot of conversations that still need to be had um to just instill the message to children and adults that bullying others is in no way shape or form okay whether it's physical emotional or mental um you know and what kind of what kind of realities can certainly come as a result of somebody being bullied every life matters and um you know we certainly all have a role to play here in in treating others with kindness and respect um and that goes a long way uh we we also talked Alicia as we head went towards the the quick break there just on so how some of that could lead to uh to drug abuse or alcohol or something else along those lines and in talking about the drug epidemic and um and everything as well and I know it's something that you've touched on over the years as well in sharing your story um and sharing the story of um your relationship with Jessica your cousin and you know her story as well um you know as it relates to uh the drug epidemic and how so many others out there are struggling even now um in looking back at this your books um and your your poems over the years uh from stuff I've been feeling lately to I hope my voice doesn't Skip and sorry I haven't texted you back and um and so many others in in sharing your story and sharing Jessica's story and so much more um in looking back at at the years in the years that you've put out these published works and everything and sharing these stories um what is what has it been been like for you this journey in sharing these stories um have you learned anything new about yourself over the years um or gotten feedback about people who are going through the the same um sort of reality that you did and that you are oh um the last you know almost 10 years has has been an absolute gift um I'm so grateful and fortunate to have have had these books and to have had people buy my books um of course and yeah like it's it's uh you know writing a book's one thing getting publish is another actually having a book do well is a completely other thing right um so I just just feel like I feel so fortunate and I'm so grateful um for the platform I've been able to build and and all that but yeah I mean it I've learned I've learned a lot over the last couple years um especially about myself I've learned um you know our last conversation a couple months ago I I learned that I shouldn't be drinking alcohol I'm not I'm not a great person when I drink alcohol so um it'll be four years in June where I haven't drank alcohol and I don't think I would have maybe made it or been that self-reflective um and if if not for my books because my books you know force me to basically write exactly what I'm feeling and um it's almost like I release a diary every couple years um so I'm very like self-reflective um usually when a book comes out and so yeah I've made a lot of lifestyle and wellness changes in my life um and I think it's connected to to my work and to the response to my work because it's it's a duty to you know I have a big responsibility with a platform like mine because a lot of the people that follow me have had very difficult lives or they've had very tough seasons and I just want to be a good role model and example so I uh I want to thank my you know my readers and everything like that for I think turning me into the best person I could be absolutely um and I think you've done a a great job in taking the time to to gather your thoughts and to and to be able to share them and tell so many stories that make people want to just kind of sit there slowly read and and and reflect um not with you sharing your heartfelt stories and just the realities of what you felt with and then um I think there are just people out there that maybe going through the same thing and that reading your work um has helped them kind of see things in in their own life um and figure out what's going on and try to help them cope certainly with any struggles or anxieties or any loss as well yeah I mean that's why I say it's such a big responsibility because I I I try to be very careful and not careless with um with with their stories because it is sometimes it is life and death you know and there's uh it's not always rainbows and butterflies um but I I do feel like people like me and myself writing what we write about it does give people almost they feel like they have permission now to share openly and it does start conversations and um the fact that like my book could be a conversation starter between a family that really needs to talk about things is is so wonderful oh I want to touch on uh poem you recently put out Survivor guilt um last in Jan January that I you know was reading and I thought could relate to this uh certainly part of the conversation we're in here but I'll let you uh steer the wheel on that um certainly since you wrote into your thoughts and everything but what what went into the poem Survivor guilt that you posted so I've talked about Survivor guilt um in different ways uh throughout the years but this poem I posted in I guess you said it was January um that this poem is actually going into new book that I'm currently writing okay and I I kind of wanted to test the waters um so I posted it and I wanted to see the response to it since a lot of my new book is focused on Grief um not always grief caused by the death of someone but like you could grieve at the last couple years showed us you could grieve you know moments you never got or you know time you lost um so what went into that was uh so many people feel that survivor's guilt is an actual term uh people use to to talk about like if you survive a devastating situation you walk around with a different kind of guilt because you're like why am I still here and um I just wanted to put that down on paper maybe a little more explicitly than I usually do um and yeah my my next book is heavily focused on loss and grief and um yeah it's it's heartbreaking and any any um idea when the the new uh book or or publishing would be coming out any hints I could I could give you a a month and a year all right um my my next book my poetry book will be coming out January 2024 so 11 months from now yeah start planning people pleas please do it'll be four years between books I hope I'm still relevant then ah you haven't lost the touch no no rest Alicia no have you have you gotten a lot of people reaching out to you uh either through your recent works or um over the years with anything that people have read um or the as mentioned before since excuse me the seven years since you put out stuff I've been feeling lately with people going through that and reaching out to you um either asking for your advice or kind of thank you for sharing what you have over the years that people can relate or maybe just kind of sharing their testimonials with you um and I know in some of your works over the years you've kind of helped reshare their stories as well but what have you heard from talking to different people around New Jersey or elsewhere about uh their struggles with a drug epidemic or watching a loved one battle um battle through the disease of addiction no I I definitely still um receive DMS um private messages emails from people all over the country uh daily and you know if we're speaking specifically about the drug epidemic um the messages I'm getting today are no different than the messages I was getting in 2014 which isn't isn't good because it shows that there hasn't been much of an improvement um and that you know people are still dying every single day and families are being wrecked every single day because of this uh the disease of addiction um something that I want to speak more about and I and I'm on a couple panels coming up in the spring is I want to talk about how it's amazing to me the stigma that still exists um you know moving away from the state or the country's statistics you know things we we can't control as everyday citizens all the time but like the fact that I still see that PE you know there's the attack on the person using the drugs that we're demeaning the person still and not looking at the larger issue like there's no right way to curb this epidemic but this is that's definitely the wrong way you know so I want to speak more about how education needs a complete overall overhaul you know telling kids drugs are bad of course they know that yeah you know like of course like in our in our heads logically we know drugs are quote unquote bad right but that but that quickly morphs into the idea that people who use drugs are bad and that's not always the case it certainly wasn't the case for the people in my life who I know who've been addicted to drugs so the disease of addiction causes them to make harmful choices out of desperation sure um but just say no was definitely the wrong way because it villainized the person and not the source and if it were that easy to just say no to drugs we wouldn't be here today you know we wouldn't be looking at such an epidemic uh to this day and um that's that's what I hope to use my platform for um I've been doing my research and writing new stuff on addiction and I want to talk about how you know the stigma still exists because we still want to villainize the people using these drugs I think I think it does you know part so my thoughts some of them I think it does get talked about you know certain circles Society you know Schools and Government and stuff like that but I don't think it overall broadly it gets talked about enough whether it's a drug epidemic or the Mental Health crisis like it does get talked about but is there really enough action getting done to help educate become aware help provide recovery I feel like sometimes it just these two particular um epidemics if you will with mental health and with drugs don't get talked about enough and there's not enough action done to help find people Health um because it's an ongoing thing and I feel like there are some days or some weeks where just other things and I'm not talking you know trying to compare or contrast to other real life events here um but I feel like it just doesn't get the the amount of quality quantity conversation it deserves to help people be at a point where they feel comfortable opening up and you know learn more about why you know just you know to your point about just say no or drugs are bad to go more into the uh the Weeds about what it is all about why you shouldn't go do drugs what it could lead to um you know the the importance of mental health which I still think there is well a a stigma too but also a blanket over like oh hey mental health that means you have you're going to sit in in an office on a couch somewhere and talk to a a psychiatrist but it's kind of like right the comparing like you go and work out physically to improve your overall physical health whether it's lifting or running around um and I think we've had this conversation on previous shows in the past as well but it's just like what are you doing to improve your mental health maybe that's the small daily stuff that's kind of gnawing at you or some larger stuff as well and I think there needs to more of a a bigger Spotlight I guess if you will for a lack of a better analogy on the drug epidemic and on the Mental Health crisis for people of all ages um to be able to have this conversation you know throughout the course of the year whether it's in schools at workplaces you know wherever to just you know lower the the stress lower the anxiety and try to put people in a a better position uh health-wise mentally physically and emotionally oh that's I mean that's so well said and I mean you're preaching to the choir here I've been saying since I was God over over 10 years now um I've been saying that we need to be talking about this more what's unique about particularly the Mental Health crisis is that I I would love to meet someone introduce me to someone who has never had even a bad mental health day right like this is something so Universal how are we not talk about it more and like I feel like in my world we talk about it all the time but like you said at the the broader the broader Universe no we aren't and drug addiction and mental health uh crises have been around since the beginning of man so we are not going to cure drug addiction we are not going to cure the Mental Health crisis so harm reduction is the best tool in my opinion that we have to um you know at least curb these crisis whether it be Nar for drug addiction or something like you suggested for for mental health and all these epidemics they hold hands so we can't stop we have to stop looking at them individually the mental health epidemic the drug epidemic they overlap and exist together and the pandemic another ick uh only poured fuel on the Mental Health crisis that was already on fire which resulted in the highest annual drug death toll our country has seen yet so I know I wasn't surprised at all that all this came together and we had all you know these coexisting crises but yeah a lot of people were surprised that this was happening and the writing has always been on the wall and hopefully that you know in talking about bullying as well earlier in our conversation here this morning that you know that's that's part of it as well um that more can be done it it should be done um and that these conversations even though they may be hard at times to have that they they should be have um and I don't know maybe it's at the at the school level maybe it's taking out time every once in a while to have students write down in a journal kind of what they're feeling that day maybe it's like a 20 minutes or a half hour of a school day just to kind of sit down write how you're feeling maybe it's a good day maybe it's a day where you're kind of feeling eh uh maybe you're a little depressed anxious angry uh maybe there's some things on your mind that you need to get off because if in my opinion I guess when those things start adding up it it almost becomes like a distraction from you know different things that that are going on in the classroom or at the workplace for adults and everything that you're too busy thinking about everything else going on in your life or with people involved in your life your loved ones or friends that um that you're kind of distracted from doing other things in your life and it kind of slows you down a little bit yeah I mean that's so right and not only slows you down or distracts you but it takes away from the joy so you could i' I've had some of the most the biggest moments of my life especially when my first book came out those those first milestones and accomplishments I didn't even enjoy them because I was so depressed and anxious you know and if I could go back in time of course like it was lightning in a bottle and never experience that again um so to your point like journaling has been proven to help um in different ways and you just stack up you know it just Stacks up if you don't have a release and and we need coping mechanisms in place and we need releases and we need to be in a in a world where people don't stigmatize the fact that we need coping mechanisms exactly um and it's there's no like I don't think there's a defined role where it's like okay well this person is only designated to to deal with this I think you know everybody in some way has a responsibility to to help out somebody else family member friend cooworker stranger you know you see somebody having you know a tough day U maybe it's just something simple as saying hello waving smiling holding the door saying a kind word here and there simple things that could literally yeah yeah that could literally make all the difference in someone's day and I think something I've tried I've tried to be more patient because you know I I do I live in norc it's fast-paced you know I'm always in a rush sometimes it feels like so my patience runs out sometimes but I always try to meet people where they're at like I don't know what kind of day the Barista is having right she could have had the worst news of her life that day and still had to show up from you know to work so we just have to yeah just be kind and it's such a cliche thing to say but being kind is the is the best thing you could you could be in this world I think absolutely yeah I I'll close up with um with this just something I was thinking about so a few weeks ago I had an interview opportunity to interview Lawrence tayor the the New York Giants Legend um who certainly had his share of um off the field um mistakes and everything over the years and I think when I had a chance to sit down with him just for a couple minutes I think he was a little nervous I think there's just been a lot of other people out there um in the media other reporters over the years who have kind of not been too friendly for him and kind of focused on things that he doesn't really want to be remembered for he wants to be remembered for being a great football player and everything else and I think the more I kept talking to him and you know treating him with the kindness and respect that he deserves as as a human being and as a great football player I was just there to talk football with him and the longer we went in that conversation the more comfortable he got realizing that I wasn't out there to go and get him and kind of made me think you know sometimes that kindness and the respect that you show to others and having a conversation can go a long way um especially if they feel like they've been mistreated by so many other people yeah you created a safe space for him and you know we've all made mistakes and I I don't know his history um but you know as long as we're we admit that we're flawed we take accountability for the mistakes we make and we try to be better going forward um that's just all a part of our our story um but yeah you created a safe space and that's that's what we could do every day for someone Alicia you do that um you know in so many different ways in social media through your books and and poems um and everything and just being there for for so many different people uh going through a lot um everybody out there can go to the Elicia cook.com to learn more about Elicia's published works and upcoming published works so stay tuned till next year and of course follow her on in Instagram and Twitter Alicia thanks for taking out some time this morning to discuss so much here on a short time no I always love our conversations thank you we'll have to have you back again soon and certainly well before you know your book comes out next January right that is Alicia cook more short time with vin and Dave right after this on 943 The Point hey what you he what do you say this is comedian BTO you're listening to short time with Ben and babe on 943 The Point who wants coffee anybody want coffee whether you are in the early stages of investing getting ready to retire or planning your estate you need a financial planner who will guide you on a clear path with honesty and transparency Shoreline wealth management provides clarity through the complexity Shoreline system is straightforward they will understand your financial circumstances identifying goals analyze current plans and customize a path to position you to reach your goals Shoreline wealth management is your financial anchor visit Shoreline wealth.com for more information today Shoreline wealth.com Securities offered through LPL Financial member finra sipc hi this is high performance executive coach Dana Cavalia and former director of strength and conditioning for the New York Yankees and you're listening to short time with vin and Dave a 943 the point it's always great to hang with Champions and these two guys are champions