Varacchi's NFL Playoff Preview

Football playoffs might be my favorite part of the sporting year. The Giants are my team, so while this postseason has no real emotional pull for me, I still find myself making new allegiances and hating new foes. Here are your 2016 Wild Card Weekend matchups, my "expert" opinions, and score projections! Any monetary losses you suffer are your own fault, but if you win, don't forget about me.

Saturday, January 9

AFC Wild Card Game: (5) Kansas City Chiefs at (4) Houston Texans

NRG Stadium, Houston; 4:35 p.m. (ET) on ABC/ESPN

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Houston Texans: Brandon Weeden? Really? This guy was drafted as a pitcher by the Yankees, then traded to the Dodgers for Kevin Brown. Pretty crazy story to go from a baseball prospect to leading a team in the NFL playoffs. I only hope he can succeed in order to continue giving Jerry Jones the finger for cutting him.

Kansas City Chiefs: I can't wait for the Chiefs to control this game for 57 minutes, then watch as Andy Reid craps all over his clock management manual. The Chiefs have won 10 games in a row to reach the playoffs, and there's no better time for that streak to come to an end.

Texans 20, Chiefs 17

AFC Wild Card Game: (6) Pittsburgh Steelers at (3) Cincinnati Bengals

Paul Brown Stadium, Cincinnati; 8:15 p.m. (ET) on CBS

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Cincinnati Bengals: The last playoff win for the Bengals was 1990. They've lost in the Wild Card round in 2005, 2009, 2011, 2012, 2013, and 2014. I don't know how a team can be good enough to reach the playoffs with such regularity and lose with the same regularity. The Bills losing four straight Super Bowls can be attributed to some odd form of luck, but the Bengals just really seem to forget how to play in January.

Pittsburgh Steelers: Antonio Brown. All game long, throw it to him, hand it off to him, let him return kicks, maybe let him try kicking too. Not to make this a fantasy column, but he single-handedly won me a few games this year by putting up absurd totals in catches, yards, and touchdowns.

Steelers 35, Bengals 14

Sunday, January 10

NFC Wild Card Game: (6) Seattle Seahawks at (3) Minnesota Vikings

TCF Bank Stadium, Minneapolis; 1:05 p.m. (ET) on NBC

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Minnesota Vikings: I don't want Adrian Peterson to succeed. Sorry! I have nothing against the rest of this team, mostly because I feel like I only know about three other players.

Seattle Seahawks: The Seahawks are a perfect example of how quickly I fall in and out of love with football teams. If my team isn't in it, I always like to root for the underdogs, and as soon as those underdogs win and get cocky, I turn on them. Russell Wilson, I hate you for ruining Jimmy Graham. Pete Carroll, I hate you for being a 9/11 truther. Marshawn Lynch, I hate you for being injured because I really still love you. Richard Sherman, I still love you.

Seahawks 31, Vikings 24

NFC Wild Card Game: (5) Green Bay Packers at (4) Washington Redskins

FedEx Field, Landover, Md.; 4:40 p.m. (ET) on FOX

Wesley Hitt/Getty Images

Washington Redskins: As a fan of a team that plays in the NFC East, I'm required to hate this team. Really though, they always felt like an afterthought. I loathe the Cowboys and their fans, I loathe the Eagles and their fans, but the Skins never really bugged me. Not to bring up fantasy sports again, but I lost TWO championship games thanks to going up against Kirk Cousins (365 yards and 4 touchdowns) in one league and Jordan Reed (9 catches for 129 yards, 2 touchdowns) in another, so I hope they both break their ankles during pregame warmups. They do, however, seem to be that sort of team that is going to shock people for a game or two.

Green Bay Packers: When did Aaron Rodgers start to suck? He hasn't thrown more than two TDs in a game since November 8th. He only reached 300 passing yards three times this season, and hasn't since November 15th. Jordy Nelson may be the most underrated receiver in the world if his absence hurt Rodgers that much.

Redskins 26, Packers 21

First-Round Byes

NFC: (1) Carolina Panthers (15–1) and (2) Arizona Cardinals (13–3)
AFC: (1) Denver Broncos (12–4) and (2) New England Patriots (12–4)

Remaining NFL Playoff Schedule

Divisional Round

Saturday, January 16
AFC Divisional Round Game 1: (2) New England Patriots vs. highest remaining AFC seed at 4:35 p.m. (ET) on CBS
NFC Divisional Round Game 1: (2) Arizona Cardinals vs. highest remaining NFC seed at 8:15 p.m. (ET) on NBC

Sunday, January 17
NFC Divisional Round Game 2: (1) Carolina Panthers vs. lowest remaining NFC seed at 1:05 p.m. (ET) on Fox
AFC Divisional Round Game 2: (1) Denver Broncos vs. lowest remaining AFC seed at 4:40 p.m. (ET) on CBS