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Top 5 Tuesday: Reality Check

Every Tuesday, we here at Just a Bit Outside roll out a Top Five list for your listening (and reading) pleasure. Because we use all of our creativity juice on-air, we call this “Top Five Tuesday.” This week, we covered the Top 5 Professions That The Employees Take Way Too Seriously.

5. Struggling Musicians: Plenty of great artists had to trudge their way thru the local club scene before they got their “big break.” But that doesn’t mean every fella with a guitar, skinny jeans and emo hair is the next Bruce Springsteen. They’ll always tell you that they are “happy” that they are still playing at hole in wall places for $10 because they don’t have to “sell out the soul of their music.” In other news, they’ll always lie. The only place your music “moves” people to is another bar, where they might hear some songs they actually enjoy.

4. Actors in Human Resource Videos: We’ve all had to watch these travestites for one reason or another. I have no problem with the message because it ISN’T right to tell a woman she has nice breasts as you pass her desk and passing over people for promotions due to their race is not ok. But these things are kind of understood at this point. I don’t need Sir Laurence Olivier to tell me that and I certainly don’t need THE WORST ACTORS IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND doing so either. On top of that, they all act like they are performing high theater (pronounced THEE-ATE-ER) and its only a matter of time before the Academy comes a’callin’. Watching these videos makes me want to go out and discriminate against others out of pure spite.

3. Sports Writers: Come on guys. First of all, let’s all remember that you aren’t writing about anything that’s all that important to the world at large. You’re writing about a game. Yet they all act like without their words, the American sporting scene would shrivel up and die. News flash: It wouldn’t. We give them the power to elect MVPs, All-Pro teams, and Hall of Famers and they abuse that power grossly. Rewarding nice guys, punishing “mean” guys…its like the ultimate Nerd Revenge fantasy, getting back at the jocks who stuffed them in lockers. Frankly, I think a locker-stuffing and a wedgie are more than in order for a lot of these guys by now.

2. Movie Critics: Does anyone take these guys seriously anymore? Liking or disliking a movie is a matter of personal taste and preference…who died and left these fellas (and ladies) KING OF CINEMA?!?! Either you (the viewer) like a movie or you don’t…don’t let their imaginary “stars”, “thumbs” or “ratings points” influence you. And while we’re at it…stop analyzing every movie like the people involved were trying to make the next “My Left Foot.” Sometimes a movie is supposed to just be big, loud, and fun. You just seem condescending when you call it “brain dead.”

1. Librarians: Ahh yes. The matrons of a dying enterprise. No one, and I mean NO ONE, goes to the library anymore. The newspapers on large wooden rods, the computers running MS:DOS, the “new” books that were released in 1987…its depressing. Yet librarians still lord over the place like its an important institution. News flash, it ain’t. You can threaten me with your “QUIET” signs and your nickle fines as much as you like. I didn’t respect them when I *HAD* to go to the library and I CERTAINLY don’t respect them now. The next time I need a rousing round of Stickybear Math or an exciting biography of the NFL’s hottest rookie Johnny Unitas, I’ll give you guys a call. Until then, I’m enjoying my time in the 21st century. Come join us some time.

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