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Top 5 Tuesday: Christmas Wishes

Every Tuesday, we here at Just a Bit Outside roll out a Top Five list for your listening (and reading) pleasure. Because we use all of our creativity juice on-air, we call this “Top Five Tuesday.” This week, we covered our Top 5 Holiday Wishes. Here are mine.5. An Official Edict to Stop the Use of the Following Words: “frenemy”, “tween”, “staycation”

Have we gotten so lazy as a people that we have to combine perfectly acceptable words and create these intolerably cheesy and inane “slang” terms? There is nothing “hip” about any of these words and if I catch you using any of them in 2012, we’ll be enemies. Even if we are friends. We can’t be “frenemies”, because there’s NO SUCH THING.

4. Floyd Mayweather vs Manny Pacquiao

I’m a huge boxing fan. I also happen to be a huge Floyd Mayweather Jr. fan. Due to both of these factors, I want to see this fight desperately. The boxing fan in me just wants to see the only current “dream” fight we have a chance at. The Floyd fan in me wants to see Money do what I know he will do (beat Paq-Man) and put the doubt to rest once and for all. How can I be so sure this will happen? Call it a hunch. A hunch based on the fact that every single time Floyd Mayweather Jr. has walked into a boxing ring, he was left victorious.

3. A Night on the Town With William Jefferson Clinton

This isn’t about politics, this about sheer party animal-ness. I believe that if you gave me (known to unleash my inner Beast Mode at open bars) and Slick Willie one evening out with no rules, no limits, no wives/girlfriends, and no cameras…I’d have the single greatest evening of my life. Would I end up die? Possibly. But would I go out in a blaze of glory? Definitely.

2. A Championship

One stinkin’, lousy, $*%$#!& championship. You see, I’m a Seattle Seahawks/Seattle Mariners/Indiana Pacers fan. Which means that I have seen exactly ZERO championships in my lifetime. ZERO. Only TWO times have any of my teams actually even been IN a championship game or series. I don’t think I’m asking for much. I’m not a selfish Yankee fan, desperately wishing for championship number 28. I just want the sports gods to bless me with one little bit of glory. No matter how much I want this, I know it isn’t going to happen. Not in 2012 at least. Probably not ever. But its not the most unlikely wish on this list. That honor goes to…

1. A Perfectly Trained Monkey Butler Who Owns My Entire Wardrobe, Only In Children’s Sizes

I have dreamed of this my entire life. There is nothing I wouldn’t give for it. Nothing. I’ve even named him already. Chimpsworth and I would be the best of friends. Imagine how glorious it would be, parading around the offices of Townsquare Media with my identically dressed simian assistant in tow. He’d take notes for me, schedule meetings, fetch things…heck, he may even be my wing-man during nights out. I know it would take a great deal of training to stop him from brutally attacking my co-workers and flinging his feces at my superiors, but I’d put in the hard work. It’d be a labor of love.

 

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