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The Non-Classics: Songs You’ll Never Hear on 105.7 The Hawk

We here at 105.7 the Hawk live up to our “classic rock” moniker in spades. The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Bruce Springsteen, .38 Special…all of the all-time greats exist under our (hypothetical) roof. I could write a weekly blog reviewing our finest tunes, but how many times can you type “One of the Best Ever!” “Awesome Song!” “LOVE IT!!!!” before it gets monotonous and dull. Rather, each week, I’ll be tackling songs you’ll NEVER hear in the Hawk Library, or as I like to call them…The Non-Classics!

Today’s Non-Classic: “Father Figure” by George Michael

I’ll admit it. A little part of me likes Wham! I know you’re judging me for this, but I figured honesty is the best policy. But before you go (go) away from the page, I need to let you know that I do NOT feel the same way about George Michael’s solo career. Especially when it comes to today’s “hit”, “Father Figure.” What can you say about this song? Its as if George heard the song “Young Girl” by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap and said “Hmmm…I like it…but its NOT CREEPY ENOUGH!!!” If lyrics such as “I can be your father figure/put your tiny hand in mine” don’t make your flesh crawl…Chris Hansen would like you to have a seat right over there. “Tiny” hand, George? TINY?!!? Listen, I understand that Freud (that fraud) would tell me that women are looking for a “father figure” (and he’d tell me in a hilariously zany German accent) but how about the line “I will be your father figure/I have had enough of crime”…Explain that one, Siggy.

I give George Michael’s “Father Figure” zero stars and 100,000 uncomfortable feelings in the pit of my stomach.

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