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(Sir) Jimmy Page, Your Time Is Gonna Come (most likely)

Jimmy Page could soon be knighted if a member of British Parliament has her way. If you’re not familiar with the British Orders of the Empire, let me attempt to enlighten you.  They are: GBE, KBE, CBE, OBE and MBE.  No one has any idea what they mean. That’s because attempting to understand the order of five classes in civil and military divisions with seniority levels and complexities that rocket scientists are confused by has resulted in the researcher’s head exploding.  Seriously.  It’s been documented. 

By Dave Hogan/Getty Images

If you’re a Brit and haven’t served hard time, you could be eligible for an Order of Chivalry -except if you’re a politician, in which case your chosen field would of course automatically cancel out any order of honour anyway.  (Notice I spelled “honour” the British way, to show my faithful research).

When you think of Knighthood, naturally you think of sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll, which is why so many rock musicians have been bestowed the honour.  By the way, only GBE’s, KBE’s and DBE’s are actual Knights or Dames (Elton John is, of course, both).

The Order of the British Empire motto is: “For God & Empire”, so atheists have to feign belief in a diety (pledging their loyalty to Eric Clapton is acceptable).

I hope this clears thing up for you, although I am still largely confused.

By the way, I like the sound of “Sir Page” but isn’t a “page” a….oh, nevermind.

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