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RIP My Faith in Humanity 1986-2011

Even if you live under a rock (its time to stop disrespecting our below surface dwelling brethren), you know this Friday was BLACK FRIDAY!!! What you also know is that this year, many major stores technically opened Thanksgiving Night (no one considers midnight the start of the next morning. So stop condescendingly correcting people to that end.) What you may not know is that on Thanksgiving Night 2011, a big piece of me died.

I’m sure many people emerged from Thursday/Friday battered, beaten, and bruised. And to those people I say…I don’t feel any sympathy for you. Why is that? Because your bruises, cuts, scrapes, fractures, and concussions will heal. My injuries, sustained without even exiting the car, will never heal. My sister, brother-in-law, and I drove over to one of those major stores that opened early, just to survey the scene. As we drove around the lot, I saw things that I can never unseen. A line that snaked for miles and miles, shoving matches, couples nearly indulging in public adult relations, fat women in yoga pants, stampedes, tramplings, and various acts of inhumanity. And for what? A Tickle Me Elmo? A Furby? A Boglin? Yes folks, this is the sad truth of today’s society. If anyone from the future reads this blog and they are looking for my faith in our species…you can find it in a Toms River parking lot…mangled, beaten, and left for dead.

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