They are armed and dangerous and they're intent on sex fulfillment.

No, it's not a band of horny criminals, it's a group of navy dolphins who are apparently AWOL.

You can't make this stuff up.

The headline actually reads like something from The Onion, "HEAVILY ARMED SEX CRAZED DOLPHINS on RAMPAGE in Black Sea"...

According to the register.co.uk, somewhere in the Black Sea, "three elite Ukrainian navy killer dolphins, possibly armed with deadly weapons attached to their heads, have gone absent without leave in the region, apparently intent on nookie."

Note to self: do not attempt a "swim with the dolphins" vacation package there. :-D