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A Letter To My Student Loans

Dear Student Loans,

I know we’ve been together for a long time…but I’m ready to say goodbye.

We’ve been together through a lot. You’ve been there during my ups and downs. You didn’t care whether I had a job or not, you always stood behind me. Many times I would just wish you were gone, but you never left.

We first got together in 2004, when I graduated from Monmouth University.

(c) Varacchi

Back then, I was fresh-faced and ready to take on the world. When we first started, I didn’t realize how serious and long-term this relationship would get. I had no idea just how clingy you were.

Producer Steve warned me about your type, but I didn’t listen.

Producer Steve, pre-FBHW days (c) Varacchi

Before I met you, I pretty much just did radio for fun.

(c) Varacchi

Now that I’m a bit more of an adult (if you can call it that) I realized that I finally needed to cut you out of my life. We couldn’t go on like this forever, and I’m ending it now.

nelnet (c) Varacchi


Please, don’t be upset. We both know that this was inevitable, you knew what this was from the beginning. Do us both favor, lose my number. I don’t want you to drunk-dial me at 3am. Don’t try to call or write, it’ll only make it harder on you.


Have a nice life,


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