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A 5-Year Old Making Terrorist Threats?

By: Astrid Stawiarz
Getty Images Entertainment

You probably heard the story by now about a Pennsylvania school deciding to suspend a 5-year old girl for talking about shooting a “Hello Kitty” bubble gun.

That’s right, I said bubble gun.

Now, I fully understand why schools are nervous and on guard about possible violent acts but I think we can all agree this is, ahem, overreacting a bit.

Though she only talked about shooting, this is how I imagine the audio of the incident sounded:

“Sir, we have a 517 in progress.”

“A 517?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Describe the perp.”

“Small, delicate build, seems pretty familiar with the weapon.”

“Any victims?”

“Yes, sir, the weapon appears to have been discharged.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Some victims of the suspect are complaining of a soapy residue on their skin, but no serious wounds have been reported.”

“Have you attempted to get the suspect into custody?”

“Yes, sir, she’s being apprehended as I speak.”

“Weapon confiscated?”

“We’re having some difficulty with that, sir; perp is showing resistance, claims it was a birthday gift from daddy.” :-P

 

 

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