59 Life Lessons and Tidbits for the Class of 2012…
And to those of you who just need a swift kick in the ass.
Good job! Congratulations on successfully completed a chapter in your life and the excitement of starting a new one. (pssst. click “read more”)
Now, I’m not going to waste your time by telling you “the world awaits you with this and that” but I am just taking it upon myself to give out my own words of wisdom. I have a lot of things going on in this brain of mine. I can be very random, and I do think I make sense sometimes.
Now I know I’m not a Steve Carell who just gave a commencement speech at Princeton University. And we definitely know that I am not a Steve Jobs either. (or am i?) But ya know what? I’ve been on this planet for a bunch of years and I have picked up on a few things. Seen a few sights, and talked to some interesting people. I’m not an expert on anything, but I do have A LOT of thoughts about many different things……And at the end of the day, I’m a regular guy who just happens to have a pretty cool job.
All these things that I am about to list are not necessarily things that I have done in my life. Some are. Some aren’t, but remember, these are just things that I have observed throughout my life. And things that I think would be helpful.
So pay attention!!
1. Don’t settle. Ever. Only you know what you really want
2. Wrestling used to be really cool. Watch old videos if you can.
3. Don’t do drugs. You just shouldn’t.
4. Love your job. (Refer to #1)
5. If she/he doesn’t like/love you anymore. I’m sorry. Move on. You can’t force anybody to feel a certain way.
6. Learn how to build stuff.
7. Learn how to fix stuff.
8. It’s absolutely fine to have sex on the first date if both people want. Sex is a good thing people. Remember it!
9. Be nice to your mom. She will do anything for you. Anything!
10. Don’t sweat the small stuff. it is so not worth it.
11. Does Mike Rowe ever get tired? He has a lot to say. Always! (Dirty Jobs is on right now while I type this)
12. Don’t judge people. If they are not affecting you, don’t worry bout it then.
13. Try not to procrastinate. Believe me, I know how easy it could be, but in the end, it makes things complicated, and stressful.
14. TV commercials are all fake. And yet they are brilliant, and genius, and entertaining and they do the job they are supposed to do. And they should never go away.
15. Respect your friends. They have your back.
16. People watch. It’s very calming and entertaining.
17. Be nice to people. You never know who you’re going to meet and might help you out down the road
18. Speak your mind. Let people know how you feel (within reason for god’s sake!!!)
19. Use pencils every now and then.
20. Wear condoms.
21. Love sports.
22. Ladies…love sports WITH him. You don’t have to like it when he’s not around.
23. Watch one of the Jackass movies with your friends, and then all of you go walking the aisles of Home Depot.
24. Don’t smoke pot, but if you do, walk the aisles of Walmart high (refer to # 3)
25. Live in New York City. It’s like no other place in the world.
26. Relationships are supposed to be A GOOD THING DAMMIT! Don’t stay in a shitty situation!
27. Help someone. The feeling of helping is incredibly rewarding.
28. Experiment. (a little bit)
29. Buy something from an TV infomercial.
30. If you have an idea. Run with it. (refer to #13)
31. Go on vacation by yourself. No one tells you what to do.
32. It is perfectly acceptable to take some office supplies home, but never tell ANYONE!
33. Voting might matter. I sure go on the belief it does and I would like to think so, but in all honesty, who really knows?
34. You don’t know everything.
35. Be random.
36. When it’s time to play. Play your ass off, but when its time to work and get down to business. Do it! Play time will be back soon enough.
37. Buy something from the Amish. Just because.
38. Get a lap dance.
39. Give a lap dance.
40. Pay for a friend’s lap dance.
41. Stay Positive.
42. Dorothy’s last name in the Wizard of Oz was “Gale”
43. Be an extra in a movie.
44. Make out with a girl/guy in a playground.
45. Listen! It’s not that difficult.
46. Drive around.
47. Fall in Love.
49. Be thankful.
50. If you have the type of job that is all about advocating morals, DON’T get caught with a hooker, AND also. As much as it hurts you to NOT do this, you CAN NOT send pics of your penis over the internet. You Can’t! Plain and simple.
51. Go see a hooker (refer to #12)
52. It’s ok to cry.
53. Stay in touch with your friends the best you can.
54. If you want it bad enough, it will happen (it just will) (this has nothing to do with lesson #5)
55. Go on a vacation with a big group of friends.
56. Make sure your kids still go out and play.
57. Have fun.
58 There are people that have it far worse than you.
59. Be yourself.
There you go. I thank you reading this far I think it’s pretty simple actually. Donn’t you? Damn! I need to listen to my own advice more I think I gave you 59 gosh darn good life lessons and tidbits. Not rocket science, but yet this world we live in makes all these things i mentioned a little bit tricky. Good luck in anything and in everything you do.
Oh yeah. One last word of advice,
If you are driving in the left lane slowly and the guy behind you wants to pass you, LET HIM. You do not have to speed. I’m not asking you too, but please. Please. I beg of you to move over and let ME pass!!!